|Perhaps, Perhaps, Perhaps|
|Season Three, Episode Seven|
|Air date||4 November, 2002|
|Written by||Steven Moffat|
|Directed by||Martin Dennis|
The Girl with One Heart
Nine and a Half Minutes
Worried that she is pregnant, Sally asks all of the girls to take a pregnancy test so that she knows what a negative test looks like. One of the tests is positive, but, as the tests has been mixed up due to Sally's anxiety, there is confusion over who really is pregnant. Susan is quickly ruled out as being pregnant as she and Steve are trying to have a baby, but there's a problem: it would be a miracle if Susan could conceive. Sally and Jane could still be the ones pregnant as Jane slept with a pizza delivery guy a few weeks earlier when she was feeling "desperate". A week after Sally confessed her love to Patrick, he finally tells her that he loves her as well, as Jane bursts through and shouts that although she's "shagged and shagged and shagged...all the lil bastards missed". At that moment, James returns from Germany and Sally realizes that she must be that one that's pregnant. Just as Patrick realizes that Sally is pregnant, Susan walks into the bar and tells everybody that Sally isn't pregnant, but she is.
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Sally is terrified that she might be pregnant, so she takes a pregnancy test and asks the other girls to do the same so that she knows what a negative result looks like. In her fluster she gets the tests muddled up. One of the girls is pregnant, but which one?
Is it Sally? Well, she did have sex with awful Peter on the night that Patrick came to save her from the non-existent spider.
Is it Jane? Well, with James away, she was so desperate for sex that she even briefly toyed with the idea of doing it with Jeff. But the pizza delivery man was on hand, so to speak. So, yes, it could be Jane.
Is it Susan? She reveals that she has recently discovered she has a medical problem which prevents her from having children. It would take a miracle for her to be pregnant.
Patrick asks Sally to meet him at the bar, where he tells her that he does in fact love her. Jane spoils the romantic mood by bursting in, proclaiming joyously, "I'm not pregnant!" Sally is devastated. Then Susan arrives with a new bombshell. A miracle has happened. She and Steve are expecting a baby.
Susan arrives at the fertility clinic to find out why Steve has locked himself in the cubicle for an hour and a half. It turns out he couldn't masturbate in the cold, impersonal surroundings of the clinic, so he called his friends to bring his porn collection and favourite pillow. He has to explain away to Susan the fact that he appears to need Jeff and Patrick there in person while he masturbates.
- Jack Davenport as Steve Taylor
- Sarah Alexander as Susan Walker
- Richard Coyle as Jeff Murdock
- Kate Isitt as Sally Harper
- Ben Miles as Patrick Maitland
- Gina Bellman as Jane Christie
Supporting and guest cast
- The episode title is actually the name of the show's theme, sung by Mari Wilson.
- Steve blurting out "hippo" during a moment of confusion is based on a similar mishap involving Jeff in Season 3 episode 2, Faithless.
- When Sally thinks that she is pregnant, she names the possible father as Peter, the man with whom she was in bed when Patrick arrived to "save" her from the spider in the episode Remember This.