|The Girl with Two Breasts|
|Season One, Episode Five|
|Air date||9 June 2000|
|Written by||Steven Moffat|
|Directed by||Martin Dennis|
The Cupboard of Patrick's Love
Jeff sees a beautiful woman alone in a pub. The attraction is mutual, but they struggle with a language barrier. They chat and end up creating a huge confusion. The girls are just jealous of the Israeli girl who is very beautiful. Steve and Patrick think of names for a porno film.
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Jeff and co. can’t take their eyes of a beautiful stranger in their local bar. And the girl can't take her eyes off Jeff. Jeff goes over to talk to her, only to discover that she doesn’t speak a word of English, which to Jeff of course is quite a relief. Her interpreter, Alice, tells Jeff she’s Israeli, then whisks her away.
The next day the girl is back and Jeff attempts to chat her up. With neither speaking a word of the other’s language, it is an utter disaster. The girl is led to believe that Jeff fancies Alice, not her. Jeff is led to believe that 'Shadayim' is the girl’s name, when in fact it’s Hebrew for 'breast'. The girl reluctantly arranges for Alice to meet Jeff at the bar the next day. When Jeff says to Alice, 'I’m sorry, I was expecting Shadayim,' the flat-chested Alice punches him in the face.
It's a tough call, but a particularly squirm-worthy moment is when Jeff shouts "breasts" in Hebrew across the crowded bar. Steve gives him a thumbs-up and shouts "breasts" back.
- Jack Davenport as Steve Taylor
- Sarah Alexander as Susan Walker
- Richard Coyle as Jeff Murdock
- Kate Isitt as Sally Harper
- Ben Miles as Patrick Maitland
- Gina Bellman as Jane Christie
Supporting and guest cast
- Anat Dychtwald as 'The Girl' in the bar
- Ruth Lass as Alice
- Sarah Joseph as Girl at bar
- Alaistair Southey as Barman
- The trademark red couch is conveniently faced so the group could watch The Girl for this episode only.